A Delicate Subject
by Doubtthestarsarefire
Summary: Dimitri and Rose's world just shifted. They hear from Sydney that they are in fact able to have children together. They are too overwhelmed to talk on the trip back home. How will they handle these news? [One-shot]


_(A.N - This happens after Dimitri and Rose leave Sydney's house - in "The Ruby Circle" - after she tell's them about Declan's situation, and let them know that they could in fact have children together)_

We got in the car in silence, and although I was kind of grateful for it, i couldn't help but wonder what was crossing Dimitri's mind.

I put my seatbelt on clumsily. As our hands in the process neither him nor me payed it much attention, we were both lost in our own heads. I turned on the radio, out of it came a soft jazz music which I didn't bother to change. Dimitri's eyes were fixed on the road ahead with a serious look that I could recognize as his "I-don't-want-you-to-know-what-I'm-feeling look" …. Which honestly at this moment only made me more worried.

 _You can have children….Dimitri…..spirit_

I'm sure there was more explanation to it but I admit that was all I had gathered from the entire conversation.

Ever since I was a young girl I had had some facts burned to my head, almost like universal truths. Strigoi are bad, Moroi come first, Lissa comes first, Damphirs must be strong, you can't depend on anyone and … Damphirs can only have children with Moroi – obviously some were, with time, more distorted than others, but since I started at St. Vladimir's, since my mother left, I never gave it a second though. I would always be a Guardian first and a mother second ….or last. I would never do to my child what Janine did to me, that was unthinkable sure, but I would also never neglect my responsibilities as a guardian, my responsibilities to Lissa. So yeah it was never in my top priority.

When I got together with Dimitri I admit I started to give more thought. Yes I know that it was impossible for the two of us to have children – Damphirs can't procreate with each other- but despite the stupid laws of nature I still couldn't help but to feel guilty about it.

I knew how much he longed for a child, and how amazing a father he would be. I felt bad I wouldn't be able to provide him with that opportunity. I even considered not acting upon my feelings and letting him go so he could stay with Tasha – oh the irony since she later tried to kill me.

After everything that we went through and with us finally admitting our feelings for each other, despite all the guilt and sorrow that the matter brought. We put it aside. And although I sometimes had moments – when we visited Baia or even when we passed by some of the families at court – where I wondered if he ever regretted his decision to stay with me and abdicate of his dream. Nevertheless we were together, and we were happy.

Now, let's say, everything changed again. The can of worms opened and everything was coming to the surface again. The fact that we could actually have children turning from impossible to a very likely possibility, meant that we both were at a loss of words and with our brains speeding up to 150.

I knew Dimitri wanted to have children, that was a no brainer, but did I? I was so afraid to loose everything I had fought for so long. If I had a baby I was also afraid to loose myself, would I even be the same person, with the same drives and thoughts? Would I even be a good mother?

Dimitri would never force me into anything, he actually would probably not even talk to me about it, if it meant not seeing me worry and hurt.

I had to say something, both of us had or minds filling up with thoughts and worry for each other. We had to talk, burying it down would only be worse.

"So…" - good Rose, that's your guardian courage for you… you can't even start a conversation with your boyfriend – "Are you okay?"

My voice a mixture between scared and concern. I looked at him apprehensively only to see I had woken him up from some sort of haze. He returned my look and I could see an inch of distress in his eyes.

"I'm good" – he smiled, or should I say "fake-smiled"

"Okay pull over!" - i said calmly.

"What?"

"Yes! Pull over now" – I almost screamed now seeing that he continued driving and staring at me with a chocked and unbelieving look – "NOW!"

He pulled over to a grassy field.

"What's up with you?" – he said as he put the parking break on.

"We need to talk Dimitri, I know you don't want to, but I feel if we don't talk now this will only eat us up, and then it will be worse."

I know he agreed with me because he gave me an understanding glance and looked down to his hands on his lap.

"I know Roza … I know" – the second set of words came out almost like a whisper. There was silence for a couple of seconds, maybe both of us were trying to see which would go first. So obviously I took the honours.

"Just saying it's a relieve that you haven't knocked me up yet … at the rate we were going comrade …" - yes I decided to make a joke, probably not my brightest idea but nevertheless someone needed to lighten the mood, and as usual the duty feel on to me. Dimitri always had difficulty talking about what he was thinking and feeling (except that night two months ago when we got really drunk… but that's beside the point).

He let out a soft laugh. Mission accomplished.

"Only you to make a joke like that."

"It would have been fine though, if you had…you know..." - I said instinctively, coming to my mind of a second later the dreading thought _what would we do if that had happened?_.

"No it woudn't" – he cut me off promptly, snatching me from my distressing thoughts. I looked straight at him surprised with the urgency in his tone. Still he refused to look at me, staring at his hands – "You are too young … you just started your career, you still have so much to achieve before you should even think about it" – he paused – "and don't deny it I know how much being a Damphir is important to you …"

It always comes down to the age question with this guy, unbelievable… he needs to start thinking for a new line, this one is getting old – no pun intended.

"Being a Damphir is important to you too… how is it any diferent?" – I detected a hint of annoyance and anger in my voice. My temper was never known for being the most controlled thing ever anyways.

"Don't start with that" – he started – "it's different…"

"Because I'm a woman?" – I knew he was right but I was already in auto-mode. There was no stopping me now.

"Yes, you don't want to say it but yes! Look at my mother, look at yours, they're two sides of the same coin. You would have to stop doing what you love because I know you would never forgive yourself if you left a child of yours in order to be able to work" – He turned to me and looked directly into my soul.

I swallowed in dry, Dimitri was one of the few people that could read me like an open book, it always had been like that, it was great having someone who knew you like that, but it could also suck, like right now, when that someone could also mentally slap you and leave you speechless.

"I would never think of making you choose … you have to know that" – his eyes overflowing with care and sadness. In something that he wanted so much he would still put it aside to worry about how I felt. Maybe it's the Guardian's training putting your feelings aside to worry about your charge. I'd like to think it was a Dimitri's trait.

"I know" – my voice breaking down as I said it – "but I'm afraid you would up resenting me…" - his face turned blank surprise and indignation mixed in his eyes - "I don't know what I would choose, will choose, but I don't want you to regret staying with me no matter the outcome. And also what would everybody else think? Two Damphir's having a child together, we would be like guinea pigs."

"I don't care about everyone else, they don't have to like or understand it. I care about you. I can never resent you" – I looked down slightly as his hand cupped my cheek – "I believe in us, regardless of anything… I made that decision long ago. I love you Roza and nothing will ever change that."

I kissed him, my face wet by some treacherous tears that had stared to roll down. It was a soft kiss, loving and full of care, in one of those moments where the earth seamed to stop for a while. We drifted apart staring at each other's eyes. They were more peaceful than before, but not less worried.

"We'll worry about it when the time comes Roza. For now let's just focus on both of us okay?" – He smiled slightly – "after all every normal human couple goes through this kind of thing don't they?"

"Since when are we normal? Or human for that matter?" – I gave a little smirk and leaned back on my seat. We were going to be okay… eventually at least – "also most normal human couple stress about marriage before the kids topic comes about" – I looked at him through the corner of my eye expecting the exact reaction.

"Marriage? Am I listening right? Rose Hathaway is mentioning the wedding topic?" – His amused look was contagious – "are you drunk? You know, I might get ideas…"

"Just saying… don't you get smart on me" – I stuck out my tongue and let out a laugh – "Come on, come on, start the car comrade! We still need to go to the pharmacy before we head home!"

"Pharmacy?" – He questioned with an intrigued look on his face as he started the car and headed out into the road again.

I grinned and winked at him.

"Well, obviously we need to buy condoms don't we? Unless you want to sleep on the couch. You are too much of a temptation…"


End file.
